Several months ago I heard from a woman who was really excited about an article that I had written for Christianity Today. She gave a copy of it to all of her friends and family. She then offered to write a testimonial of how the article fit with what she had lived through in her marriage with her husband. Here is what she had to say…
Hi, my name is Gaye. I am a wounded person in process. It was so good to read Mark E.Smith’s article on marriage titled THE SECRET MIND-BLOWING ACTUAL PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE on the Christianity Today marriage website because it validated what God has been telling us for years. When we react it says everything about what is going on in us. It is our woundedness that needs attention. God uses our mates to get our attention. We need to look at what is going on in our hearts. We need to get rid of our muck. Thank you God for our mates, your tool to our wholeness.
I came from a religious family. I had Sunday school attendance pins for 5 or more years. Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information My mom tried hard to have us look like a good happy family. She was an enabler, and she was not modeled how to parent or love. My father was a mean, unhappy, angry, cold, emotionally absent, verbally abusive, and physically abusive dad. He didn’t know how to love and didn’t care. The result of their lack of love, lack of parenting skills, emotional abuse, and verbal abuse caused wounds in my soul that would last almost half of my life. Not only was I emotionally wounded by my parents, I was sexually abused by a neighbor at age 5. All the abuse I received in my young life caused me to believe I was powerless. I had great fears and feelings of rejection and abandonment. I felt completely alone. I learned to live as a victim. That’s what I believed I was. I was not worth getting my needs met or being taken care of. It felt like someone else had control of my life and I had no say. While in college I began having anxiety attacks, a direct result of the abuse. God healed the anxiety attacks years later. I met Frank, who fit perfectly into my life. Frank was a predator and I was his victim. Because I believed I was a victim I could not say no to his strong request for sex before marriage. I didn’t want to feel the pain of rejection that I had felt from my parents so I gave in. The shame and guilt of that act which was compounded by the sexual abuse at age 5 would haunt me for years. Eventually I got pregnant and we married and lived separate lives together. That old behavior of drinking, partying, fighting, name calling, not speaking to one another, and getting even, culminated in each of us committing adultery.
Then we recommitted our love to one another and to God and started the healing process. We I have not arrived yet, but my God has been showing me and growing me in Him. I have learned so much since then. One major thing which God has healed in me is the fact I had Frank as my idol. If Frank did all the things I wanted, made me happy, placed me first, and did all I asked then I would be alright. If he didn’t then I would feel rejected. I would get angry at him and not talk to him, reject him. I felt my husband was ignoring me. The picture I got was when I was a little girl and my mom and dad were fighting. I felt completely ignored by them. Didn’t they care that I was scared to death? This is what I believed about myself in this scene. That no one cares about how I feel, I am not worth their love, and I will always have to take care of myself and I will be alone. Through my Recovery work I have now taken Frank off the pedestal took the pressure off of him to not have to be what he can’t be. I have come to realize that God put Frank in my life to help me grow and heal and vice versa. He triggers me in areas I need healing.
Indianapolis Marriage & Couples Counseling, Expert Marital Therapy, Affair Recovery, Anxiety, Addictions, Mid-Life Marriage, Healing Trauma, Depression, PTSD, Established In 1989
Indianapolis Marriage & Couples Counseling, Marital Therapy, Affair Recovery, Anxiety, Addiction, Mid-Life Issues,Trauma, Depression, PTSD, Established 1989
Indianapolis Marriage Counseling